iPod – only thing in this work that doesn’y make me feel like shit and keeps me from going insane.

I hate life.

Men are confusing. They think WE are. woah, man.

My mom was the first person I heard this from.

Men can’t live with them, can’t live without them. heh. I’ll be living without the ex though.

Stil don’t know what’s happening in life. Things just made a huge turn.

Roommates – Harder than it sounds, a lot. I had one she was my so called best friend. Yeah, that flopped. Well, we lived in her boyfriends parents house forever. And I just wanted to be by myself, well not entirely I wanted my own apartment. And then she went and got knocked up and we were supposed to stay at the apartment with a bazillion people. I was sleeping on a tiny little couch because all the other ones we taken by other people. So then she quit her job then we really couldn’t afford rent. That fucking sucked. I totally hated it, i was in a strange place didn’t know the people I was staying with. And not to mention the language barrier. Yes, i have like 6 years of spanish down but they talk really fast and I was totally confused. Then she would leave me at home and go out with her boyfriend, leave me all alone. Then the mom would come home and try talking to me, and i’m like whoa slow down. Yeah, that also didn’t work. I still can’t find a roommate and I feel bad for Keeley. Seriously, she says she’s okay. But no sex while I’m there? I’d be pissed. Really pissed. But I’m still searching no luck. My boss, James is so caring though. He’s looking for cars, and roommates for me. Like his cousin. He’s super nice. (he’s the one dating Leona. ) He makes her real happy. I wish I could be that happy. (hopefully someday.)

What’s next, (hold on, gotta scroll up.) heh.

Cars! – Oh my goodness. What a hassle. You can’t live without them, and I’m finding that out now. I like so many of them (bumblebee, Mazda 3, and 6′s) pretty pretty cars. I’m trying desperately to save up for a car. But bills are piling in like crazy. It’s like a never ending stream of shit. So once I have money it’s like yes! down payment! shit, phone bill, medical, hospital stays, meds. SHIT .36 in my bank account. shitty shit. there goes my down payment. Then I get depressed, I feel like I am burdening so many people. I’m very independent and really don’t like what I’m doing to people. Hopefully getting a car soon. Not to mention a new license. I lost mine. (not lost as in taken away, as in lost cannot find.)

Next.

Friends – I freaking love them. I met so many new wonderful people at my current job. Well I already mentioned Keeley, Guy, Leona, James and Alicia. But there’s Mitchell, John and Kamille. Mitchell is hilarious, i’ll have the slightest frown on my face and he’ll hug me to no end. i can talk to him for hours. And it’s nice because we both talk about boys. But straight men are different than gay men. But still it’s nice. John is like Mr. Serious. He tells me how it is. Direction sorta. Kamille, man watch out for her. She can be your best friend or the biggest bitch known to man. Luckily, I am on her somewhat good side. It’s very different in a cube like setting. I go from McD’s to here and it’s so much nicer. I LOVE IT. Cubes are like very sectional. You have your own little space but it’s fun to peek over and talk to your buddy. But you really got a watch what you say. Because your worst nightmare can happen because everything is so close and compact. Which I am slowly learning. And DO NOT interrupt workplace connections. That is a VERY BAD idea. I’m learning that one too. I’m new so those connections are years old. And it’s a jumbled mess. Like I have this group of friends and me and Leona are the newbs. Well, Leona is stranded alone. She has James. Well, I don’t have anyone. And I’m like floating, I get picked on a lot. But I know it’s all in fun because I’m a newb. I love it.

Next.

Boyfriends. – Hah. Well, here’s another rant. Everyone thinks I’m totally in love with Guy. That’s not true.  Yes, i act like a little girl when he calls and texts. But i have a crush. Everybody likes him and i really don’t feel like competing for a man. So I put in my music and just jam along to my own beat. I don’t know. I really think I’ll just forget about it. Like Keeley says, water off a ducks back. I want that genuine guy that makes my heart jump everytime he walks by, calls me when he just wants to hear my voice. And this is real abnormal for me. I’m normally not like all cutesy. I like war movies and playing call of duty and thinking about the romantic crap makes me want to lose my lunch. But it just sounds so……wonderful. You always see in the movies when the guy wakes up and he kisses her on the forehead and they’re all so happy like bliss. Or she wakes up next to him and they are smiling. I know not everyone is like that but loads of people are. Like James and Leona. She was having a bad night, and the next day there were roses on her keyboard. how cute. And walking and holding hands and walking down the street er something. I want it. hah. Hopefully I find him soon.

I thought I had that for awhile… I was so happy and we talked for hours, I just liked listening to his cute voice. Then all that changed when his parents came. He was from Venezuela and lived here in the USA. I think they hated the fact that I was American. Because we talked for hours on end and then his parents came for a month and we talked for like 5 seconds a day while on break at work. His parents left, and he broke up with me two days later. I was devastated, like ripped to freaking shreds. I cried for DAYS. I never really cry, but I did then. I felt empty, just like gutted. I was just standing there, just standing. I had no idea what to do. But I got over it then the infamous line came. “We can still be friends, don’t leave me please.” Oh please. Bashing your freaking face in. I never felt that close to anyone in my life. But I’m okay now. So back to office. I really do not know what’s going to happen, I’m just grooving to my own beat. We’ll see.

Auntiness/ New Sisterness. – My mom and my aunt had babies two days apart. It’s almost their 1st birthdays. Cute. Bridgette and Haleigh. They are are crawling and it’s so darn cute! they are too adorable. They stand on stuff and just smile with there half toothed mouths. That is the cutest smile out there. Bridgette is my sister and she had to wear one of those helmets deals because she has a flat section on her head. It’s in the back. She’s only got 4 teeth. And her face just glows when she smiles. Her eyes squint and she shows her teeth and you just can’t help but smile when you see her. Everytime I walk into the house she crawls over and waves at me. And says lalalala. I love her to pieces. Haleigh is cute too. They just are so similar.

Next.

School – starts soon. Gotta think about that. Of course Nursing. NICU here I come! (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.)*TANGENT* On October 27th 2006, My little brother died there. He was born October 1st. And I spent three weeks in there, looking at the numbers and talking to the nurses. I learned what the numbers were, knew all the nurses. I was basically my brothers all around nurse. The nurses would come around and I would get to do everything. It was so cool. I felt invigorated. It was my place. Then he died. I still go there all the time and talk to the nurses. They all remember me. It was depressing, because most people don’t visit their babies. I was there around the clock staying in the NICU until 3 am. and then waking up at like 7 to go back in. And nobody was there the NICU was bascially empty except for nurses busily going from baby to baby. It was my place.

Wow, long blog. I feel better now. I wrote everything down. whew. Let’s see where life takes me! Until next time.

And I just saw the most amazing commericial ever, I was laughing forever. So, I got this one friend Keeley and she’s amazing. Her kids are a freaking riot, but they’re totally  amazing. I am so grateful that I have her. I would be on the street if it weren’t for Keeley.

And of course there is a guy, there is always a freaking guy. hah. He’s totally awesome, he’s cute, nice, friendly, and all around an awesome guy. He kinda portrays himself as a badass, but he’s a total cutie underneath it all. I feel really bad for Guy, he’s going through a really rough time in his life and all I want to do is help. But he always acts like he doesn’t need it, but then when  we talk he lets me know little pieces. It’s killing me! I don’t want to look like a freak and be all like you need help. blargh. hah. I love his smile, it’s just. oh snap. But it’s the kind of thing where I like him, yes. But at the same time I don’t because I realize what’s going and I don’t want to be in the way.  So I guess maybe later. That’s one hell of an IF.

I met a really awesome girl named Leona, she’s almost exactly like me but in a way not really.  She’s really funny and I have a blast working with her. I have even more friend that are awesome, Alicia she’s always like I LOOOVVVVVEEEE YYYOUUUU! and we have such a blast, like yesterday when We were sitting in my bosses cube and he was like theres a girl in my chair, and I sat on her and i was like oh snap James there are tow girls in your chair now! whatcha gonna do? and she tipped forward and I hit my tailbone. which still hurts. Excedrin is my best friend. heh. but needless to say me her and Keeley are starbuks buddies. I can’t believe you starbucksed without me! hhahah.

I love offices. but there is also i down side, but i’m not really all that much of a negative person so i won’t delve in. I can’t stay mad. haha. I almost broke off my nail today. I hit the sink and i was like OWWWW!! It hurt really bad. Election time is real soon. I’m sorta excited. Idk, i’m really going to let time take things, and see where they go. Oh and Keeley, I love you. You are seriously the most generous person ever. I don’t know where i’d be with out you.

And there was this girl that totally snowed Keeley and guy. I really don’t like her. I didn’t see what went on, but I heard about it and it makes me sorta angry. I guess I’m just happy they’re both still smiling. Tough Cookies I tell you. But I’m kinda happy with my life right now. Actually I’m really happy and wouldn’t change a thing. okay,m one thing, i wish i had a car. hahahahahhaha. I’m done.

Keeley showed me this. It’s pretty awesome so far.

I’m kinda confused, but I’m a fast learner.